Category: personal

How to Prepare for NaNoWriMo – Part 4

You’re doing it, you are going to write a novel in a month, NaNoWriMo ain’t got nothin’ on you. In Part 1, I shared how NaNoWriMo helped me grow immensely as a writer. In Part 2, I walked you through developing a character you will love. In Part 3, I shared ten story beats you can use to outline your story and prepare for a writing storm.

Today, let’s face the scariest subjects (no, I’m not talking about affect vs effect or semicolons).

I’m talking about:

  • Writer’s block
  • Failure
  • Deadlines
  • Work-life balance

If you had to just vomit after reading those words, that’s fine, we’ve all felt the same way. These are the worst nightmares of a writer, in fact, they should be Halloween costumes.

The thing about these monsters, however, is that they look a lot less scary when you take some of their power away. Yes, you can take the power away from these jerks who want to push you around, tell you what to do, or make you hand over your confidence, peace of mind, and joy.

Writer’s block

The horrific, creative constipation that blocks you up and threatens to not let go. For a writer, writer’s block is a miserable experience. We are made to release words and stories, so when we cannot do that, we feel wrong.

I honestly don’t know that there’s just one way to beat writer’s block. I’m pretty careful about stating absolutes when it comes to writing, because remember, you make your own writing rules.

But here are a few ways I have found to overcome writer’s block. These have been recommended to me by other professionals who are veterans with decades of experience, so I’d say these tips for writer’s block are legit.

  1. Stay calm. Like a creepy pod of orcas who like to play with their food, writer’s block wants to torment and play with you. “You’re never going to have any new ideas. You’re finished. You will never be a writer.” The mean comments, fears, and worries start spiraling out of control and make it even harder to concentrate or create. The antidote?

Calm down, you’re stuck for a moment, not losing your whole identity and future as a writer. You may have a good reason for being stuck, like lack of sleep, relationship challenges, stress at work, health issues, or just exhaustion. When writer’s block hits, take stock of where you are. What do you need emotionally, mentally, spiritually, or physically? Can this be solved by taking a short walk? Having a snack? Calling your mom? Watching a show that inspires you? Dancing in your bedroom with a pretty scarf while you sing and pray for a few minutes? (Yes, that was very specific, maybe I’ve done it once or twice.)

  • Keep writing. This is the advice some people give as the one-and-only cure for writer’s block, and sometimes it’s not the “write” answer. But sometimes it is.

Sometimes you need to “just keep swimming” and the block will work itself out. You can also jump ahead to a scene or part you have very clearly mapped out in your mind, and while you are working on that, your brain will be subconsciously problem-solving for you.

This is also a good reason to have your ten story beats planned out ahead of time, so when you start to panic about being blocked, you can remind yourself of where you need to go.

  • Remember your why, remember the love. My friend and expert writing teacher, John Fornof, taught me to remember the why and to remember the love behind why I am writing as a cure for writer’s block.

Why did I begin this story? Why is it important to me? What made me love it? How does God’s love for me change this moment? Love thaws not just a frozen heart, it also burns away the fears and anxieties that can often lead to writer’s block. When we write from love and with love, we write our very best. If you feel like you are missing that, then maybe you can go back to where you lost it and that’s where you will find your answer.

Failure

For all the big talking “failure” does, it actually has so little power to hurt you when you redefine it.

What if you fail to write a novel this month? What if you don’t reach the goals you made? What if life happens and circumstances get in the way of what you hoped to accomplish?

Failure only has the power you give it. You are an imperfect human, so without a doubt, there are things you have failed at, but if you acknowledge, “Yep, that was my bad, but I’m gonna learn from it, ask for forgiveness, and forgive myself.” You have literally just removed failure’s power to steal from you. And writing is not this do-or-die thing your insecurities tell you it is. There’s not a big right or wrong to it, it’s subjective and create-your-own-adventure.

So, what if you don’t write a whole novel this month? Did you try? Did you think about it? Did you practice creating a character and story outline? Did you write 2,000 words? Did you entertain the concept that you can be a writer, and that you deserve to try? Then guess what, you cannot fail.

Some is better than none – Jon Acuff

Deadlines

Euw, I don’t like that word, but as a freelance writer, I see the word “deadline” a lot. And meeting deadlines has cost me some late nights, stressful weeks, missed showers, hurried meals, and sore hands.

Deadlines can sometimes be motivating, that’s why I am even doing NaNoWriMo this year, because I have a project that I keep pushing to the back burner, and I think if I create a deadline for myself, I may get a lot or most of it done.

Here are a few tips for managing your NaNoWriMo writing deadlines.

  1. Clearly outline your goals. You may not have the goal of writing 50,000 words or creating a whole novel in a month, and that’s fine, just know what your goals are and clearly define them. This will help you plan ahead and adapt in the moment.

I am a visual person, so I like to write things down or create an image to help me stay on track. However, your brain works, make sure you have created a way to know and track your progress. It takes some of the anxiety out of the process, and it’s really encouraging when you see yourself moving forward.

  • Be okay with adapting. I know this is hard to accept, but life is unpredictable and more like Jumanji than anyone wants to admit. We all have no idea what November has in store for us, so we will be prepared by planning, and then we will be prepared to change the plan if necessary. This doesn’t make you a failure, or irresponsible, it makes you adaptable, and you will take life much less hard if you are okay with adapting.

You will have to use your own judgment to know when to adapt, and when to stand your ground on your plans, but give yourself permission to adjust ahead of time.

  • Plan according to your taste/schedule. You are not marching to the beat of any other writer’s drum for NaNoWriMo, you need to make your plans and go at your pace. You can look around you for inspiration, and if you see a good idea that benefits you, borrow it! But never think your writing journey has to look like anyone else’s.

Work-life balance

We all have responsibilities, relationships, and lives to keep up with apart from NaNoWriMo (unless you cleared the whole month and can still afford your rent). You want to write a novel, but you want to do it in a way that doesn’t destroy the other important things in your life like your family, health, or job.

Here’s how you can create your NaNoWriMo 2024 goals and still have a life to come back to when you’re done.

  1. Communicate your goals/intentions to your people. Whether it’s your significant other, your children, your roommate, or your friends, you need to communicate with them what your desires are and discuss any potential changes in your schedule.

So many relational issues could be solved by proactively communicating, and then maintaining that communication throughout the process. Will you be working half days on Friday this month? Let your boss know. Do you and your spouse have a bedtime routine with the kids that keeps your family peaceful and focused? Plan your writing around that or discuss how you can cooperate with your spouse to adjust the schedule temporarily. Will you be spending less time online or chatting with people? Let them know ahead of time so they don’t worry about you.

  • Take care of yourself. Yes, sometimes deadline seasons call for late nights, fewer showers, and some less healthy snacks. So long as this doesn’t become your everyday, it may be okay for a season. But don’t go overboard.

You’re writing a novel, not planning a nuclear war without casualties (unless that’s the topic of your book in which case I want to read it). Shower, eat, drink water, go outside and look at a cloud or a bird. Ask your kids or spouse how their day was, listen to music you like, get up and dance or stretch. Walk the dog. Post a quick update celebrating a win. Eat a treat, maybe even buy some special treats for yourself and your family during this month so you all have something to enjoy.

  • Celebrate. Don’t wait to celebrate only when you have accomplished the big goal, life is about celebrating EVERY win, that’s why kids are so awesome, every new skill, discovery, or beautiful thing is something to celebrate. When you are celebrating your wins, big and little ones, it’s harder for discouragement and doubt to take hold. Joy makes you slippery to the darkness, so lather up and celebrate!

Write on

NaNoWriMo is an incredible opportunity to get going on the writing you’ve been dreaming of for a long time. Whatever you accomplish this year, I hope your heart and mind are opened to the possibilities and potential that lie ahead of you. You can do this, now go try.

Read Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 here, and for more great posts on movies, writing, and my story, follow the blog, or like on FB. #nanowrimo2024

My Top 5 Marvel Movies

1. Captain America: The Winter Soldier

This isn’t just my top Marvel movie, this is one of my top 5 movie movies. It makes my very short list of “perfect” movies that I have seen. I’ll write about those another day. This is the one movie poster that I own, and I’m proud of that fact.

Everything about this movie is perfect. The character introductions and reveals. Seriously, Steve giving Sam Wilson “on your left” is the best character introduction ever. The pacing. The horror of realizing what is actually happening. The road trip Steve and Nat take. The combat sequences (oooh, so perfectly choreographed and executed). The jaw-dropping moments (Fury’s car chase, elevator scene, fighting the Winter Solider on the highway!!!). This movie just makes you tingle from head to toe!

This movie features my favorite 3 Avengers: Steve, Nat, and Sam, and has the political thriller genre running strongly in its veins. The build-up and payoff are satisfying on every level possible. The quiet moments of reflection and resolve perfectly complement the big moments of sudden horror and “eat your failure” moments that get shoved in the villains’ faces.

But the best part is how this movie enables even the little guys to be the hero. That’s a big part of who Steve Rogers is, he believes in the little guy. He never sees himself as above someone else, and he’s all about using his gifts and strengths to lift others up. That’s true leadership, and his leadership brings Hydra to its knees. I love the throwing off of false morality and heroism, call crap what crap is and truth what truth is.

This movie is brilliant, unapologetic, heroic, and full of normal people doing amazing things because they believe in doing what’s right no matter the cost. It’s a movie of revelation, friendship, humor, glorious action sequences, and an extremely strong character heartbeat that keeps everything grounded.

2. Avengers

I never get tired of this one. The feeling I have when I watch it is something I haven’t felt so much with the more recent superhero movies. Things were simpler at this time, clearer, more fun.

And dang, if this movie isn’t just the most fun. Unlike DC (really? Justice League before the origin stories?) Marvel took the time required to properly develop a superhero team-up worth our while. We knew everyone, already loved them and wanted to see what would happen when we threw our favorite characters into the blender together.

Half of this movie is spent with everyone showing their worst side. They clash, misunderstand each other, or have their most vulnerable spots rubbed. It’s a hot mess. A beautiful hot mess. A hilarious hot mess. A delightful hot mess. I love this hot mess, and so does Agent Coulson.

Coulson. Y’all, Phil Coulson is enough of a reason to fall in love with this movie all on his own.

The hot mess almost completely falls apart (except Nat, she’s surprisingly put together minus that slight Hulk panic attack, but that’s Nat.). And then they come together with such a great show of humility, respect, and teamwork. It’s inspiring.

The pure glory and unabashed superhero swagger of this movie are unparalleled. From the soundtrack to the superhero poses and power moves, it’s just delicious. Absolutely delicious. And The Battle of New York is something I never tire of. Never ever. Never.

Even though it’s one giant glamor scene to the next, this movie still never sacrifices character development and interpersonal growth. Some of the best friendships, pairings, character clashes, and important Marvel moments are birthed in this movie.

And shawarma. Have you ever wondered how much shawarma sales spiked after this movie came out?

3. Ant-Man and the Wasp

If you just did a double-take, I ask that you rewatch this movie. See if you don’t finish your day feeling happier, fuller, and inspired to be a little bit more “out there”.

How can anyone spend time in the company of Paul Rudd for a few hours without coming out feeling happier? I’m also quite fond of Evangeline Lily and would like to see a LOT more of her. There’s not a single actor in this movie that I do not enjoy.

This movie arrived at a time in my life when I didn’t have as much to laugh about. It was a heavy time. This movie came right into the middle of my heavy, pulled me out of it, and gave me the gift of laughter that was grounded with heart. I literally felt like I’d gone through some healing for the 2+ hours I sat in the theater and laughed.

Scott Lang is one of my favorite characters. He’s an everyman. He’s us. He’s cool, but not so cool that he’s not also totally in awe of anything cool that comes his way. He wants to brag about knowing “Cap”. He’s going to learn online close-up magic sing karaoke and play a fake drumset.

Ahem, this is where I pause and I point out that Scott Lang lives in San Francisco and sings karaoke and is a cool dude. And Shang-Chi ALSO lives in San Francisco sings karaoke and is a cool dude. If these two don’t meet and team up I’m going to riot. I don’t care if people are worried that the combination of Luis and Katy might create a nuclear explosion, it’s worth it.

Infinity War (one of the 3 Marvel offerings in 2018) was a miserable watch. It had nice moments but mostly it was just echoing the heaviness and grief I was already dealing with in my own life. And while Black Panther was an absolute masterpiece, it was an extremely intense movie to watch. I wanted a break. I wanted to feel grounded again. Ant-Man movies are always more grounded (literally) and single-minded than other Marvel movies. Scott isn’t always trying to solve a whole world problem, sometimes he’s just trying to save one person. Hope and Hank just wanted to save their Janet. Bill Foster just wants to save Ava. Scott just wants to get his life together and to stop letting his loved ones down. Luis just wants their business to succeed and is willing to buy oatmeal packets to make it happen. Jimmy Woo just wants to be as cool as Scott (just wait a few years, Jimmy, then you’ll be cool all on your own).

Ant-Man and The Wasp takes a group of very sincere people who are flawed, sometimes dysfunctional, and throws them into a scenario that is both lighthearted, serious, and beautiful. It’s just about people loving people. There isn’t even a truly big “human” villain in this movie, the biggest battle is against Time. I love that even Ghost is redeemed.

This movie literally healed places inside of me and was salve on a very sad soul. I love it. I can watch it without feeling dragged down by larger Marvel events, it’s just perfect. The weight and enormity of the MCU has become a heavy burden at times, but Ant-Man and The Wasp never feels that way.

And who doesn’t need to see a hot wheels-sized car chase through the streets of San Francisco that also includes a larger-than-life Pez dispenser being hurled at the bad guy’s car? We all do, that’s who.

4. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2

I am not someone who likes or supports crass humor. I do not personally support every statement/joke/or attitude expressed in these movies. And I don’t recommend them for children. Morally gray characters are a line I think you have to walk very carefully and can easily take too far. But when they are done well they end up teaching you a lot.

The Guardians are definitely a mixed bag, but I learn a lot from watching them. Yondu is not someone I would hold up as a role model, neither would I hold Peter Quill up as a role model (Chris Pratt is another matter. Love him.) These people are desperately flawed, often annoying, and they know how to push each other’s buttons. They are not the crew you would invite to an elegant gathering or your child’s preschool show-and-tell.

Here’s the thing about the Guardians though, for how little sense they make, for how awkward and messy they are, I just love them. I saw Volume 1 and I was like…What. Is. Happening…oh crabapples! Suddenly I’m crying and have a huge lump in my throat. And that dang, that raccoon on screen worming his way past my emotional guard is in reality just a puppet. A PUPPET!

I kid you not, the characters most guaranteed to make me cry are the Guardians. I could see that special moment that was coming, the hand-holding that reminded Peter of his mom that was going to contain the Power Stone that followed the dance-off that was going to save Xandar! The fact that the previous sentence is the actual plot is really a thing of beauty.

But Vol. 2. Volume 2. Wow.

For the first 2/3s of the movie, I was like, “What are we doing here? Nothing means anything. Everyone is losing their mind, being a jerk, or all over the place. Sylvester Stallone is definitely still a knockout, but beyond that, why am I here?”

And then I hit the last 45 minutes, and it all came together and I saw it and was mindblown. Oh, wait! This whole movie has been all about meaning! It’s been about love, forgiveness, and healing. It’s been about friendship, sisterhood, fatherhood, giving yourself permission to love and be loved. Letting go of the things that keep people from getting close to you. It’s about loving people with their flaws and through their painful, vulnerable times. It’s about understanding what truly matters in life! It’s ordinary people loving each other, and that love creates an extraordinary strength that defeats the inflated, twisted agendas of those who think real meaning is about power and self.

Ego with his sick, twisted expansion missed the true meaning of everything that was right in front of his eyes. He could have stayed with Peter’s mom. They could have loved each other. He could have enjoyed being a dad. But he was blind to the meaning of anything, and he went so far as to destroy the beauty that did exist. He killed his children. He killed Peter’s mom. So Peter is gonna smash that perverted creep in the face with a giant Pac Man and doggone! I’m going to enjoy watching it!

I think the clincher moment for me in this movie was watching Peter mourn Yondu. I do not like Yondu. I still don’t “like” him. Yondu is unpleasant to me, but there are a lot of Yondu’s out there, and they are worth something and they need to be told so. They need to be seen and loved too. When Peter was grieving Yondu, I heard something in his voice. “I had a pretty cool dad.” I don’t think Chris Pratt was just being Peter Quill at that moment, I think he was being Chris Pratt. Chris lost his father far too soon, and I think at this moment he was being given the gift of feeling his own loss and love on screen. That was a very intimate moment that I felt lent gravity to the movie, and I felt honored that he was willing to share that with us.

I love the Guardians because on paper they make no sense, they are so messy, and yet they love so hard and they don’t quit. I can respect that. I learn so much from them that I don’t from other characters. I know the love they are learning to have comes less easy for them than it does for other characters. I was highly displeased with the Guardians’ portrayal in both Infinity War and a lot in (only Nebula and Rocket were handled well) Endgame. I felt they were not treated with the respect and growth their characters had earned. I’m hoping Vol 3 can fix some of these problems.

But yeah, I like my Guardians. I like them a lot.

5. Shang-Chi

It does not hurt that this was the first movie I’d seen in theaters since Far From Home in the summer of 2019. You know, a thousand years ago before the Dark Ages of Covid and everything else that has happened since. I didn’t mean to stay away from the theater so long, it just happened that way.

Shang-Chi was a treat that I got to go see with my mom as a celebration for my 25th birthday. I’d had a really good feeling about it going in, but wow. Wow, was I ever right!

This movie is amazing. I mean, AMAZING! It’s been a while since we’ve seen a completely new character with no prior introduction in the MCU make their debut. Shang-Chi did it and did it so well I’m still amazed. Nothing about this story was wasted. Every aspect of the movie, from the script to the humor to the costuming to the martial arts was all working in harmony to tell a very fantastical, very human story.

I loved the fantasy elements. I loved the bright colors. I loved how Chinese legends and otherworldly elements were seamlessly blended with some very American-tasting characters/conversations. I LOVED the characters. Shaun and Katy are what got me out of movie blog retirement.

This movie was powerful in its messaging, handled flashbacks with fine dexterity, and never lost the momentum. It used visual symbolism as well as honest dialogue extremely well. You could see the character growth portrayed in multiple ways. The story had deep moments of trauma and darkness, but they were well-integrated alongside moments of hope and humor.

Also, I just think Shaun is really cute. Like, REALLY cute.

I also like where he landed at the ending. His choice to stay true to the beauty and light inside of him, while also acknowledging the skills and history from both sides of his family was a more sustainable, mature approach to life. A lot of people think in terms of black and white and they don’t take the time to pick through the pieces of what’s worth keeping vs what you throw away. Living with extremes is usually an exhausting and dead-end way to live. It’s certainly NOT how you successfully woo the magical rings away from your father in a one-on-one battle.

It was nice to see a new origin story that felt like a Marvel movie, but more like the old ones used to feel. Exciting, fresh, making you hungry for more.

I don’t know if you’ve picked up on this yet or not, but I have some MCU fatigue. Endgame was a big movie, no one can deny that, but I was disappointed in many regards. The need for the story to keep getting bigger and bigger than the last thing has caused a lot of complications and overwhelm. Some things have been done that can’t be undone and I’m not happy about it. Often when a story grows to this point, it can get out of control. I am not enjoying the MCU the way I used to when things were simpler and more defined. Perhaps it’s naive or silly to expect/want it to feel the same way it did when I first started. I’m not the same person I was in my teenage years any more than the MCU is the same “world” it once was. I would say where I am now is I try to focus on individual chapters/characters more than just the world as a whole.

And that’s why I loved Shang-Chi, it was a fresh start with someone new that I have no baggage with. He was a character I was 100% happy to root for, and even his introduction to other big characters like Wong, Captain Marvel, and Bruce Banner was far more honest. They told him what he was in for right up front. “Your life has just changed and it’s never going back.” “Welcome to the roller coaster.” That’s exactly how I feel about life in multiple areas, so I could relate with those statements a lot. I have 0 martial arts skills and a very normal human origin story, but on an emotional level, I connected deeply with large parts of Shaun’s story.

Honorable Mentions: Spider-Man Homecoming and Far From Home

I haven’t seen No Way Home yet. I’m honestly very sad at some (not all) of the choices made for the movie, I don’t see how leaving Peter friendless and family-less is beneficial. One of those things I could swallow even if it tastes bad, especially the death part because it was an unexpected thing for Peter. But to leave his friends in the dark? To lose them not just as Spider-man, but also as Peter Parker? To do both? Why??? How does that make sense? Why is that “necessary”? Why should he have to lose Happy after he lost his mother and father, his uncle, Tony Stark, and now Aunt May????

What are we learning here? It’s “safer” or “nobler” to be on your own? What people don’t know can’t hurt them and it’s better that way? That’s crap and we know it. Marvel has proven it time and again, together is better. Family is better. Stick together, make it out the other side or die protecting each other. It’s worth it. #avengersassemble

The only reasonable thing I can think of that would justify causing Peter separation from everyone is Sony is hoping for another trilogy. Otherwise, I think it’s inexcusable.

But yeah, I love Peter Parker. I love his humility and his kindness. His stories are so easy to learn from and he’s so endearing. That’s why the Spider-Man movies get an honorable mention from me.

These are my top 5 Marvel movies. I chose them because they are movies I still want to watch more frequently. They are ones that still echo in my mind and I know I will enjoy them. I watched them and had a uniquely warm experience, or, they came at a very pivotal moment in my life and touched me more deeply than other chapters of the MCU.

These movies are not necessarily my most nostalgic Marvel movies (Captain America: The First Avenger and Thor have that honor). I like many installments in this series (Age of Ultron is a highly underrated Avengers film). And Captain America: Civil War has some of the best footage in the MCU. And the Marvel Disney+ series is a whole other ball of wax. But when I sat down and I thought about it, these were the 5 that rose to the top. I found my answers both expected and unexpected.

So, what are your top 5 Marvel movies? Why are they your top 5?

The Chosen

The Chosen. A TV series that shows the life of Jesus, told through the stories of those who knew Him best. The largest crowdfunded media project of all time.  A show about Jesus paid for by people who love Jesus. I’m not going to share all of the technical details, instead, I’m going to tell […]

The Chosen.

A TV series that shows the life of Jesus, told through the stories of those who knew Him best.

The largest crowdfunded media project of all time. 

A show about Jesus paid for by people who love Jesus.

I’m not going to share all of the technical details, instead, I’m going to tell you a piece of my story and share my heart.

This article is for anyone who will read it, regardless of your religious background or your beliefs about God. I’m just a person, like you, and this a conversation from my heart to yours.

I have known God is real my entire life. My parents are believers, and I was raised in a home where Jesus was a regular part of the conversation.

My mama read me Bible stories and I watched Bible stories onscreen.

But it goes deeper than that. God called me to Himself. He chose me. 

Many children who are now adults have many of the same ingredients to their origin story that I do, and yet they have never met God for themselves. Nor do they realize the value of who they were created to be.

To them, Jesus was just another topic around the dinner table, or maybe He is merely their parent’s “thing”. Here’s a common one, “He was a good man and teacher with good ideas but nothing more“. Calling Him something as wild as the Son of God on earth is like something out of a fantasy story, right?

I beg to differ. My life is not built on a fantasy, in fact, it has been quite the opposite. My life has been just as grounded and down-to-earth as anyone else’s.

I’m mature enough now to honestly tell you this, “I have a lot to learn.”

But there is one thing I am confident of in this crazy world of unknowns.

God is real Person, He is GOOD, and He called me.

How did God call me and how do I know it was Him?

God is the Creator of the Universe, He knows all things, He knows all people because He created all people.

He speaks your language before you do. Each person has a unique collection of interests and dreams that set them apart from others. Where do those things come from? From a Creator, Someone Who lovingly made you an individual.

He has a reason for you being here, a special purpose that only you can fulfill.He would choose us all if we would take Him up on His offer. We all have the opportunity to become one of the chosen.Some of us sa

Because I am a storyteller, God called me to Himself with the stories of the Bible. God touched my artistic soul with my love for the beauty of the world that I felt came from somewhere deeper. He used my strong memory and intuition to communicate things to me that some would say I was too young to understand, but I did.

At five years old I asked Jesus into my heart. And the joy I experienced on that day is something unearthly, my friends. It was like a shot of liquid excitement to the soul, so bubbling and fierce it almost hur

I have never experienced anything like that anywhere else. It was more real, more wonderful, and more powerful than anything we humans can create on our own.

Life in a fallen world happens, we grow and we are faced with pain, suffering, and broken people. Doubt enters the picture and creates room for lies that hide the truth of God’s love.

And tragically, a loving and kind Father becomes Falsely labeled as an angry and harsh judge Who barely tolerates our existence.

During my walk with the Lord for the past 19 years, I have fallen prey to many of the lies that made me doubt His love.

God as a “Loving Father” seemed more like a phrase used to sell Christian calendars rather than what God actually was.

I felt that He was far away, harsh, and constantly disappointed with me. I was really good at failing as a Christian/human, I must be a shame to Him. I didn’t believe I was going to hell, but I didn’t really think God liked me that much. Nor did I feel that I could trust Him with the deep needs and desires of my heart and life.

It's hard to live with joy and gusto when that's how you view your Heavenly Father. We live out of what we believe, so if you believe yourself to be unloved and a source of shame, guess how you live_ (1)

You live frightened, confused, angry, sad, judgmental, and empty. That’s how I felt so much of the time. And so have so many others.

This is not the entire summary of my walk with Him during those darker years, He still reached me where I would dare to open up to Him. But it was a slow, sometimes really painful process.

My heart was longing for more.

The things I had experienced as a child, the things God had used to call me to His heart were still in there, but they were buried. I had a deep heart cry, a question that I carried with me.

Is there more? God, are you more???

The Chosen series Season 1 gently inserts us into the lives of normal, broken people living in first-century Judea.

A rascally fisherman who has a wonderful wife and a good brother...who's up to his neck in debts and life or death troubles.

God feels distant and unreachable, while his problems are threatening to tear his life away from him. Does God really care about his needs, or has he already failed so badly that God will never acknowledge him again?

A broken and battered woman who has been mistreated, abused, and is thrown around by the demons who possess her...the darkness is suffocating her and she has lost her hope.

She once was loved, she once believed, but she has fallen so far, had so much taken from her. The words of prophecy regarding a Savior her father taught her seem like useless garbage in the face of her constant torment.

An autistic tax collector who is brilliant in his work...but a despised outcast from his fellow Jews.

He’s alone in his own little world where no one understands him, nor do they care. He’s considered a traitor to his own people, so why would God acknowledge him?

A highly respected and noble Pharisee who has spent his life learning and teaching God's law...and yet he continues to carry the question, _God, are you more__

Everyone around him seems content to carry on with the traditions they have been taught for generations, he desires to respect what he knows but he keeps hoping against hope that God is more.

As if life isn’t hard enough, Rome’s conquering presence is all around them, fear is a regular part of every character’s daily reality.

Quietly, a stranger named enters their world. He looks like them. He is from their country. He is a craftsman. He is a son. He is a brother. He is a friend. His name is Jesus.

And their lives are suddenly turned upside down.

You’d think that people who lived 2,000 years ago would have nothing in common with those of us living in this futuristic world of the 21st century. While the show creators do an excellent job of painting the first-century world with great detail and richness, the core elements of the story and characters confirm this: these people are just like you and me, and they are asking the same questions we ask today.

“Am I going to be okay?”

“How do I get through tomorrow?”

“How do I take care of myself and my family?”

“Does God actually care about me and my needs?”

“Am I worthless? Should I just end it and be done?”

“Is this truly all there is? I feel like there should be more.”

Israel was the nation of God’s chosen people. They had known God for literally thousands of years. Their story was God’s story, His miracles and words are a part of their very DNA and culture. You would think out of everyone on planet earth THESE people would have it figured out! Much like the Church today, you would think these people would understand God!

One glance at these characters in their various walks of life testifies for the opposite.

Simon (the fisherman) fears God’s judgment and believes in His disinterest.

Mary (the broken woman) feels forgotten and unloved by God. She’s too unworthy to be saved.

Matthew (the tax collector) struggles with anything he cannot explain, but this Jesus keeps doing the inexplicable. Matthew is fascinated, but he expects to be rejected by Jesus as he is by all Jews.

Nicodemus (the Pharisee) wonders if he is just an old fool for wanting God to be more. He also fears what his peers will say about him for seeking beyond what they already know.

Does any of this sound familiar? Whether you are a Christian or not, this is familiar to the human struggle with questions about God and our relation to Him.

I myself have asked many of these same questions, even though I have known God is real my whole life. Even though I met Him and His true heart at age 5, I still had/have questions.

And the older I got the more I became desperate for answers, much like The Chosen characters are at various levels of desperation when we step into their lives onscreen. 

Enter Jesus.

Let me show you something really special from Episode 4, The Rock On Which It Is Built. 

Andrew, brother of Simon the fisherman, comes to him in a flurry of excitement. He’s seen Jesus. “It’s Him, it’s the Messiah. The Lamb of God.”

“I don’t need a Lamb, I need fish.” is Simon’s reply. (The Chosen, Episode 4 – The Rock On Which It Is Built)

Simon is out of options, he’s so in debt to the tax collectors that if he cannot pay an exorbitant amount by the next day he will be taken to prison, or be killed. His family will likely fall into ruin without him. It’s an awful, awful circumstance to be trapped in. He’s desperate, and God seems to be ignoring him, and he believes he deserves it.

His brother and fellow fishermen help him cast nets all night. Nothing.

Jesus arrives on the shore of the lake in the morning following an entire night of desperate, useless fishing. See what happens.

At Jesus’ word, he lets his nets down one more time.

And his boat almost sinks for how many fish are in his nets.

Jesus watches in pure delight as 5 grown fishermen splash and scream for joy because their desperate need has been met by the Lamb of God.

This God whom Simon has been avoiding out of shame and fear came to him in his moment of need and loved him like no one else has, unconditionally and overabundantly.

He didn’t expect it. He didn’t think he deserved it. He as much as said he didn’t need a Lamb. He’s broken so many rules of the religion and done much that he knows is wrong.

If God is who Simon had expected Him to be, angry and judgmental and only rewarding of those who always “do” good, Jesus would have walked right past him without a second glance.

He doesn’t.

Jesus loves Simon so much, and that love is captured in this scene in such a raw and beautiful way.

smiling jesus

This kind, beautiful, compassionate, humorous Jesus is taking people by surprise. It’s both beautiful and sad all at once.

Our world and our perspective are so broken that we are truly taken by surprise when the Man who literally came to earth to die an excruciating death that we might be saved actually loves us. 

To see this truth of a loving, real-life Jesus played out on screen the way it is portrayed in The Chosen is shocking people, many of them Christians.

As for non-Christians, this is probably a new version of Jesus to you too.

What happened to that really solemn, super “holy” guy? Where’s the Jesus who is constantly put out by the disciples’ failings? What happened to that angry God who hates you because you are sinful? Whatever happened to earning your rewards, your favor, your place in the world? Whatever happened to someone wanting something from you before they help out?

You know, like how our world works. Whatever happened to the Jesus who barely tolerates us?

What is it with this guy who just shows up on people’s worst days and completely changes everything with a heart so kind it almost frightens our abused, broken hearts?

I know, it's the most bizarre, most insane, most upside-down thing in the world.

Romans 5: 6-8

For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (ESV)

I can hear potential accusations from some very confused people in the Church.

That’s not really Who Jesus is, this is Dallas Jenkin’s (creator of The Chosen) version of Jesus, a watered-down mushy version aimed at getting people in the door without actually convicting them of their sin! 

ragnarok is it though

I can hear the doubts of people who are suspicious of all things Christian.

He can’t be that good, you all are just making up a really shiny story so that we get sucked in by a lie! And then we’ll end up as miserable as you all are because your God is mean! 

its a trap gif

To the first group, my brothers and sisters in Christ, I reply to your doubts and criticisms with my testimony.

In 2016 I was less than a year out of being graduated from high school, and I was searching for the next thing in my life. Little did I know that my world was also about to fall apart dramatically and everything I thought I could count on would be turned upside down.

It was at this time that my need to know if God was more began to burn to a point where I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I couldn’t bury it for fear that I would be disappointed.

That’s what had held me back all of these years, fear that God would be just as miserable as I thought He might be. Fear that the loving God I hoped for would just be another instance of my unrealistic idealism. And if that was the case, would I give up?

Perhaps it was because I was already asking a lot of new questions as a green adult that there was a new space for God to move in my life.

I believe He knew it was time, and I was ready.

One day I saw a documentary called Finger of God. It was about God and His heart for us, His Created Ones.

I saw things that blew my mind. I saw people being touched by a love so radical, so pure, so joyful, so unearthly that it changed the entire course of their future in a moment. I saw people being healed, inside and out. I saw people tasting what I had tasted the moment I had asked Jesus into my heart.

Radical, unearthly joy and a love so powerful that you can literally feel the warmth of on your skin.

As I write this it is a shiny new year, 2020. In the four years that I have lived in between that day in 2016 and now, I have walked the hardest, darkest, most shattering days of my life. 

And God has never been so real, so good, or so full of love. 

Logic says that if someone is going to fall away from God, it would be when the worst of life and people smack us in the gut and leave us bleeding out. We see this happen all the time. And we know the questions that get asked,

God, if You really are good then where are You? What happened? Why did You let me down?

But we are talking about human logic here, human logic based upon broken perspective and limited experience. God logic works differently, He goes beyond what we expect and loves us more than we know what to do with. He comes bursting into our worst moments in surprising ways. He doesn’t base His decisions upon a small window of experiences or choices, but rather upon His never-changing Heart for us.

I got desperate and curious enough to reach, and this is what happened.

I reached for the more of God, and He was RIGHT THERE! He always has been and He will never leave. Each day has just been another step into a relationship with Someone so sweet, so kind, so generous, so uncondi

Jesus was God on Earth, and He only did what He saw His Father (God) doing. He didn’t walk in His own agenda, He walked in His Father’s will. (John 5)

So to those who fear the Jesus portrayed in The Chosen, this is what I have to say to you.

The Chosen does not scare me because I already recognize the Jesus I see portrayed here.

I know this guy! I see the Heart of God that I have been getting to know apart from this show for the past 4 years!

In 2016 The Chosen was just a twinkle in God’s eye and Dallas Jenkins hadn’t even crossed paths with the idea yet. I cannot blame the Jesus I know on Dallas or anyone else involved with the show, because I have already met Him in my own life.

Let me clarify, The Chosen is not meant to be a replacement for Scripture. The creators of the show have said this repeatedly. The stories told in The Chosen, the miracles shown are 100% true. The characters were real people that even secular authorities will confirm existed.

Some of the arrangement of these stories and the fleshing out of these characters has been worked with and adjusted by a team of people to create a watchable show.

But I recognize the fingerprints.

There are more than just men and women working on this show, I believe that God’s Hand and Heart are woven into it as well. I think God is tired of seeing His children fear Him. I think He’s tired of seeing the lost people in the world only view Him through lies. His heart is bursting with love for us and by its very nature Love needs somewhere to go and someone to touch.

It's time to fall in love with the truth of Jesus. It's time.

Now, to the second group, my brothers and sisters of the human race who are not Christians.

I get it, there are a ton of really mean and really unhappy Christians out there. There have been so many instances of cruelty, harshness, and hurt in the Church. I get it, I have been touched by it myself. But to you, this is what I want to say.

So many Christians do not understand their own Father's love and heart, and that makes them miserable because they live out lies instead of truth.

Having worked with children in professional settings before, I can attest to the truth of this statement.

The children who are more confident in their parents’ love and their own identity in their family are far calmer, more secure, and less easily given to offence. They are far easier to get along with and they have a greater trust for authority. Often they take direction better and are teachable. They are more likely to treat those around them with kindness even if the person is different from them. While not perfect, they stand apart as someone enjoyable to be around.

The children who feel less confident in their parents’ love and their place are either very shy and insecure or very loud and insecure. Their feelings can be easily hurt, they are often harder to manage, and they expend a lot of energy trying to be admired or at the very least noticed. It’s harder for them to trust and harder to get them to respond to instruction or discipline. They can be mean very quickly and form fast grudges. These children, while every bit as precious as the first type of child, require a lot more energy and patience to be around.

There have been thousands of people throughout the history of the Church who have never understood their own Father’s love for them.

Therefore, they are miserable, and they often spread that misery to others.

That’s why. And on top of that, just know this, Christians aren’t perfect.

I, a Christian, make mistakes. I make choices that are wrong, sometimes consciously, just like anyone else. The difference is that because of Jesus inside of me, I am counted as righteous in God’s eyes and He looks on Jesus’ sacrifice of blood on my behalf, not on my shortcomings.

There is a whole array of characters shown in The Chosen that represent each one of us where we are at right now, Christian or not. We have only begun to meet them, and over more seasons (8 Seasons are planned) even more beautiful characters and more incredible stories will be shown.

As a summary for Season 1, this is the message I hope to convey to those reading this review.

If God isn't for us than what hope is there_ If you can't trust the God Who made you to love, I mean REALLY love you, who can you trust_ If God is only confined to what we tiny humans can explain, is He rea (1)

Each one of the characters represented by the above questions finds their answer.

And it’s the same answer I myself have found.

The answer is, and always has been, a Person. His name is Jesus, Son of God and Savior of the World.

Yeah, I know, it’s crazy different. Different from what we have known, what we have heard, and often what we have experienced. But to quote an awesome line in Episode 7: Invitations.

Get used to different.

Friend, whether you are already a Christian, or at least brave enough to read this whole article #youareawesome, this is what I want you to walk away with.

You do not have to be afraid of God.

You do not have to be afraid of His Son Jesus.

Love has come, and His name is Jesus.

The Chosen has created a beautiful open door for people all over the world to step into an introduction to get to know the beautiful, radically loving heart of Jesus our Savior and of our Father God.

God is already using The Chosen powerfully to reach people in some of the darkest places and in every country in the world.

People in Iran who have lived a life without hope are watching it. People in China living through the coronavirus are watching it. People living in the US who have everything and yet nothing are having their hearts broken open by Love.

God is the one on the move, but I believe that The Chosen is a beautiful vessel that He is using to bring forth His plans in the earth. I recommend it to anyone, regardless of your background.

If you want to give the first episode a watch it is completely free on The Chosen‘s YouTube channel.

You can follow The Chosen on:

Facebook

Instagram

YouTube

And you can download TheChosenApp for FREE to watch all 8 episodes of Season 1.

TheChosenApp on GooglePlay! 

TheChosenApp on The App Store!

Also, check out the gorgeous soundtrack on Spotify! This soundtrack has already made my “you’re obsessed with it what is your problem” list made for me by Spotify. I hope you enjoy it too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

When You Are Sitting Inside of an Exploding Firework

In July of 2015, I sat on the steps of our family friends’ home in the country and enjoyed a hearty 4th of July celebration. We had grilled hotdogs, grilled chicken, potato salad, watermelon, all the classic goodies! It was a comfortable temperature outside, lots of groups of people chatting pleasantly, playing with sparklers, just enjoying being free Americans having a good time.

Of course, once the sun started to go down, the fireworks began. Fireworks can be so much more fun up close. Can be is the key phrase here.

This particular batch of fireworks had a bit of “attitude”. For a while, all of the fireworks went off without a hitch, they shot in a proper upward direction and exploded in the sky where they would burn off and do no harm to innocent bystanders. I think we were being lulled into a false sense of security.

Then we got to the “fiesty” batch. First a firework sped off across the ground and started showering a lady’s parked car with little explosions. Lucky, the car was unharmed and we got a good laugh out of it.

Next, a firework sent little explosions over to an entire line of parked cars and started a small grass fire underneath our 15 passenger van. Again, the vehicle was unharmed, and people continued to laugh, even if they were getting a bit jumpy.

The steps I had enthroned myself upon on were further away from the drama surrounding the driveway and road. I was surveying the scene with distant amusement, withdrawn from the chaos and quietly chatting with the people sitting with me.

My poor little sister had had enough of the firework tantrums below, so she came up to the porch where I was to finish out the festivities from a “safer” vantage point. I remained seated on the steps with a friend and a bunch of small children who found the step seating to their liking. The sky was growing a bit darker, and there were a few fireworks left.

And then it happened.

The meanest rocket yet was lit, and it shot over to the left of the driveway, into the air several yards above the porch steps. You know that split second of delay that happens when a rocket is shot off, it reaches its destination, and then there is a breath before the explosions begin?

That moment was a mix of slow motion and fast-forward all at the same time. I saw it light, go flying, and stop right in front of me…wait a second…that’s gonna explod…

firework explosions

I am not a screamer by nature. Sometimes I literally have to force my body to scream just to let go of some pressure, and it’s an actual labor for me. I DO NOT react naturally.

There was no forcing of this screaming. It was flowing out me like Niagra Falls. One moment I was chilling on the porch steps, the next moment I was surrounded on all sides by a fountain of blazing green fire that was popping and exploding! It was like being in the middle of a massive lightsaber battle where I didn’t have so much as a toothpick, much less the Force.

The friend I was seated next to was clinging to me and screaming like a banshee. The tiny children who had shared the steps with us were also shrieking and crying.

I’m sure it only lasted a few seconds, but when you are literally taking a firework shower, it feels like an eternity.

I ran a lightning fast evaluation of the situation in my head as I sat there, screaming and surrounded by alien green fire. It was one of the most bizarre, practically out-of-body experiences I have ever had. It was like my mind was separated from the rest of me and I was casually observing this chaotic scene while my physical body was screaming bloody murder.

So, I did a mental evaluation. Fight or flight told me to run. My mothering instincts told me to grab all the babies around me and shield them. But I quickly came to the one and only conclusion…

…there was literally nothing I could do but wait the firestorm out.

I couldn’t run. I couldn’t jump. I couldn’t even help anyone else around me. I just had to sit there and outlast it.

There have so many instances since that day when I have felt the exact same way I did July 4th, 2015. In fact, I feel like I have been living inside of an exploding firework for the past 3 years. Everything blowing up around me and there is literally nowhere to go, and practically nothing I can do. Just stuck in the misery.

If you ever wonder why people turn to alcohol, sex, drugs, and any other number of vices or addictions to deal with their pain, I’ll tell you why. Because when you are hurting so badly you just want to make it stop. You want to escape from the chaos, you want a place where you feel something other than sorrow, fear, or anger. There are days where you get desperate enough you feel like you would do anything to make the pain stop, that’s why some people commit suicide. They get low enough and don’t see any other options, then the devil whispers lies in their ear that they believe are their own voice. And tragedy happens, a hurting person ends their precious life full of potential, and they never get to see beyond that moment.

Escape. We are wired to want to escape. We are wired to want to fight. We are told that if we don’t DO something, nothing will ever come out right in the end.

There is a time to fight with everything you have in you. There is a time to run and escape a fire. There is a time to get up and do something…

But here is a truth I have learned about life in the past 3 years.

Quite often, the very best thing you can do is simply sit still and wait.

We human beings think we can control so much of our lives. We keep up this illusion of control until something like a natural disaster, a death, or a change in circumstances quickly reminds us that so much of this life is outside of our hands.

That thought strikes fear into the heart of so many people. It has done the same to me before, but it does not have the effect on me that it once did. What changed for me?

I have an intimate relationship with the One Who truly has the power to change, and I KNOW that He is good. I “knew” it before, but I KNOW it now!

At that moment where I sat surrounded by green fire, I had to let go of every human thought about what I had the power to do. The truth was if I had tried to move, run, grab someone, anything, I would have been horribly burned.

Have you tried to fight against an impossible circumstance and been utterly burned out? Or gotten burned? Have you tried convincing a bullheaded person of something true and only managed to give yourself an ulcer and a headache? Have you fought for something that you may eventually have gotten, but you destroyed your health/relationships/life in the process?

We strive so hard to change things that we cannot change. We spend so much energy worrying over things we cannot control. We scream and we rage, we ache and we panic, and rarely do we sit still.

I am a fighter, so I understand all of the above. I understand it perfectly. However, I have a novel new idea to present to you all.

Sitting still and waiting is one of the most effective ways to fight an impossible battle.

I love a God of grace. A warrior God. A God of peace. My Heavenly Father wages battle on my behalf 24/7. He sees all, He knows all, He loves more broadly and deeply than I can even fathom. He has a plan for everything. He has unlimited resources. And this God, my God, tells me, “Baby girl, just rest. Daddy’s got this.”

When I sit still, I accept a universal truth that there are things beyond my control. I let it go.

let it go

There is an incredible freedom to be discovered when you drop the weight of a burden you were not made to carry. And it’s only after you drop that weight that you can enter into rest.

Rest. So many people associate rest with laziness. WRONG! Have you ever seen an alligator resting in the sun at the zoo? It’s unmoving like a statue carved out of granite. You might even squint your eyes to make sure it’s not dead. It’s so still you can’t even connect this lazy lizard with the stories of the lightning-fast attacks gators make on their prey.

I warn you, never underestimate a still alligator. Take it from a nature-doc nerd. Never. Underestimate. The. Speed. Of. A. Resting. Alligator. Or you might die. While that gator was resting, it was recharging. It’s aware of the world, but it’s not concerning itself with every little problem and detail. It’s preparing…preparing for the moment when it’s time to move.

And when it’s time to move, you will never see it coming.

I know the misery of being caught in a place where you feel sad every day. Where it seems like the bad news just won’t stop. Where you just want the pain to stop. Where you can’t imagine how anything is ever going to be right again. I know how that feels, and it sucks.

But I promise you, you can survive it. You can outlast it. You can fight it. And you can do all of that, by sitting still and resting.

It’s easy to lose your perspective when you are in the middle of the firestorm. The heat is as close as your right-hand pocket (thank Jesus I was not burned). There are things blowing up all around you and it’s easy to believe that it will never end.

But I promise you, dear one, I PROMISE you! You can outlast this firestorm. Because you are more enduring than the storm. It may be blazing and bright and hot, but you have patience. You have stamina. Your life is not defined by this single storm, your life is going to be an entire collection of journeys, storms, seasons, experiences, and people. You have a future beyond this moment. So hang in there. Let go, and rest.

Was I killed or maimed in that firework shower? No, because while an explosion of green fire may be terrifying, it burns quick and hot and then all that remains to haunt you is a little smoke. When the dust settled my friend was practically in my lap, the children were crying but unhurt, and parents were rushing over.

And I laughed.

laughing gif

Yes, it was that hooray-we-won’t-need-to-use-our-medical-insurance-tonight laugh. I have already visited the emergency room in that particular town on a different occasion and I do not recommend the experience. You could have taken the amount of adrenaline I had flowing and created a seventh Infinity Stone.

But I was alive and unburned. A bit smoky, very done with fireworks for the evening, and miraculously, my pants were still dry. It was a great story afterwards, and I remember that evening fondly.

As for the other firework showers in my life, they haven’t all ended. But that’s okay. Because I am resting. I am waiting. I am recharging. And when the moments come to move, to act, to fight! I will be ready. I am ready. Because I am laying down that which I cannot carry, and resting. The time may come to move before the storm is even over, but I will actually have the energy to face it now.

I know my life is bigger than this firestorm. I know that the same God who kept an entire staircase full of people safe and unharmed during a firework shower is on my side and He is working on my behalf. He’s bigger than any storm, and I draw my strength from Him and rest in His peace. My life is in this moment, but I also know it is beyond this moment.

Be still, and rest. Let the fire burn out before you do, your time will come.

Happy 4th of July, may everyone have a safe and joyful holiday!

IMG_E7727

 

Hi, It’s Me, Real Life by Grace

I have been noticeably absent. I apologize. If you will, let me share my heart with you for just a moment. I promise, more goodies are coming this week. But this is a post I must write.

When I first began reellifebygrace I had huge ambitions for this site. I knew what I would write about, how I would grow it, etc. I had mental plans for building up step-by-step, celebrity interviews, so on and so forth.

It was gonna be big. And one day it would become a source of income. I would get to do what I loved AND make money at it. I would grow a huge audience, influence and create discussion with thousands of readers and fans. It was even going to help carve out a place for me in the film-making world as a career in film-making is my eventual goal.

I worked hard at it for months. I’ve never doubted my ability to produce excellent content, in fact, that is probably my strongest suit. I can spit out thousands of words in less than an hour; sometimes my brain is moving so fast my fingers can’t keep up. I also analyze movies very deeply, so I knew I was never going to run out of material.

But, it takes time to build an empire. And I am young and still learning a lot of new things. I’m still learning things like how to make an income, how to manage finances, how to give myself time to learn and grace to stumble. Plus, I got hit with some life-changing personal circumstances that have dramatically changed my everyday reality as well as what I saw for my immediate future.

Work required a lot of energy. My family required a ton of energy. I had chosen a non-college route for many practical reasons, and I do not regret that choice. But choosing a non-college route means that you do a lot of the foundation building yourself. You have to do the research. You have to put in the hours to structure things. You have to make the connections. You have to make all of the choices, nothing is done for you.

I’m not belittling the college-going crowd and all the effort they have to put forth. I know college requires work, commitment, choices, and discipline. But so does a non-college route where you have to build everything from scratch. This road is exhausting and terrifying.

As I was led in different directions, trying to start my own businesses, moving, dealing with my parents’ separation-now-divorce, losing a job I adored and coworkers that were like family, reellifebygrace got lost in the shuffle.

My life hasn’t been all falling buildings and rubble. My faith is stronger than ever. My loved ones related both by blood and by heart have held me up and walked through life with me. I have learned a ton of new skills. I am learning patience, dedication, and contentment; three things that I know will serve me well in any circumstance.

There are so many things that we assume will make us not “okay” if they happen. I’ve had a lot of my “okay” standards and limits either pushed outward or pulled out from under me entirely.

I have fought the fear of missing out my entire life. I was always afraid that I was going to miss the adventure, the action, getting to take the incredible journeys and do the big, cool things. I feared the mundane, the bland and the colorless. I was terrified that my dreams would be taken from me. I was terrified of committing to anything that would trap me.

Truth is, much of life is mundane, that’s just a fact. Without the mundane to maintain our lives and create a foundation, the rest of life falls apart. Mundane doesn’t have to be something to be feared, it can be embraced as something normal and comforting.

Bland and colorless. Who says even the ordinary things have to be bland and colorless? I can make the most boring afternoon more interesting by putting on The Greatest Showman soundtrack and letting a million dreams carry my soul to brighter realms than whatever “boring” task I am currently doing.

Dreams are a part of us, I believe they are put inside of us by God as a part of our DNA and our roadmap in this life. Dreams are not meant to be our masters, we were not made to be slaves to this all-important DREAM that rules our lives, wrecks our perspective and drives us crazy. No, dreams are meant to be followed with moderation, and never at the expense of something more important like destroying precious people.

But God gives us dreams. So why was I so afraid that mine would be “taken” away? God isn’t this big TAKER that He gets made out to be, He’s a GIVER. He’s the biggest Giver known to Mankind (heck, He GAVE His only Son to come and save me and my brothers and sisters in the human race).

Immaturity says:

Follow your dreams at ANY cost, it doesn’t matter how you get there, so long as the DREAM is fulfilled. It must look THIS way or it is a failure.

Maturity says:

Live your life, because every moment matters, no matter how mundane. Pursue the dreams with diligence, but never let your dream become your master. Enjoy life and embrace it, embrace people, and you will find the dream when the time is right. Or, the dream will find you in a way you never expected, and it won’t look the way you imagined. But it will be so much better than you could have ever guessed.

How does this fit into reellifebygrace?

This little old website represents a piece of a much bigger dream for me. I’ve been in love with movies my entire life. I have wanted to be a filmmaker for years. I have been a writer for years. Stories are my happy place, and sharing beloved stories with others brings me such immense joy.

This site was going to be a roadway to that dream. It was going to open doors, influence and connect with an audience, make me money. But then life happened, and I had to set this site aside for a while. In some ways, I gave up on it, in other ways I just didn’t have the bandwidth for it.

But as I have been embracing my new normal, I remembered this part of myself. I love this website because I love what it represents. I love that I use it to talk about stories, characters, feelings, messages, and hope. I love that I am myself on here, unafraid and open. It’s everything I love about movies, and it’s my own little space to open up.

I’ve learned that we can have a lot of our “okay” stripped away, and it often feels terrifying and incredibly raw. I’m never gonna tell you that it doesn’t hurt and that it doesn’t leave you spinning, because it does. It hurts like heck and I’m still dizzy much of the time.

At the same time, when a bunch of my “okay” standards were gone, I realized just how superficial they actually were. What I thought was carved in stone was actually just gouged out of clay. My identity and security couldn’t be based on clay, or stone, it had to be in something that would last. Something eternal.

As I have been placing my security, my hope, my identity in the hands of the Great Dream Giver, I have been discovering something else. I’m rediscovering me.

Because when you take your identity out of things that cannot hold something that important, when you redefine what success looks like, and when you learn that okay is not what you thought it was, it’s actually better. You get to find yourself. The real you, the one that is freed from superficial things, judgments, phantom fears, and lies. I thought I was losing something, and I have lost some precious things that no one should ever have to lose. But more than my losses, I am being given things.

So I came home. I came back here because I love this place. Because this site is important to me. Because I love what I do here. I do believe I will get to be a filmmaker one day, a storyteller at the very least. I don’t know how that will happen, but I’m not gonna be afraid of losing that dream. If it was truly given to me by the Giver, then He’ll make a way.

For now, I’m gonna be me. This little site may never make a dime, never get thousands of followers, I may never interview a single celebrity.

But that’s okay with me because I’m not writing for those reasons anymore. I am writing this site for myself because it makes me happy. This site is a part of me, and so when I have time, I will write on here simply because I want to.

And that, my friends, is “real life” by Grace.

reel life by grace